So, I've just looked through my Friendster's account :D OMG, I miss some pictures there!! You know what?! Some of them are very wonderful, ahxx, some are just so beautiful, LMAO, please don't puke people, I was just kidding! Dear beloved readers, thanks for reading. I always check the meter and I am kind of happy that I do have some readers reading my blog, my so rarely updated blog, dark and gloomy blog, aha, not down grading it but apparently it's kind of true. So it's the October 25th, OMG, just two months before Christmas!! Time does fly fast, within blinks, it will be 2010 soon. Anyway, i just have some things to be updated here, like it or not, just bare with me, he he he; 1) I bought something recently, to be exact, it arrived on October 6th - 061009 - It's a HIM, named him Jack :D It is something really precious and it is in Coal Black. He was tagged as WorldTradeCentre 2878, depends on you how to interpret this, anyway :D He's so sleek yet so elegant, charming, I mean! Umm, guess I will take a photo of him for you readers to judge, ahxx, kidding again! But yes, he might not the best on your eyes but he is just fine and nice. 2) I guess I don't have to mention about the DSLR, most of you know. It's just a 1000D but I believe we all have to learn from A rather than jumping to F, right? Now, it's a SHE, she always managed to make my day and my friends too :D 3) That I'll be going home on this November 6th :D until the 9th. Yes, what a short duration but we have to appreciate everything we have just in time, right?! So, Sabah, expect for my homecoming very soon, ahxx!! 4) I am currently listening to Travis, don't want to name the song here, but I guess some will know :D what a wild guess I just did! But I would like to thank the person who had actually introduced me the song, wow!! 5) I am missing someone, duh, actually many ones! This is so unfair, I am missing people while they don't in return, what would you feel?? Hurt! Just recently, I, I mean we, have to let go two of my colleagues :(( They were transferred to their desired places, for their goodness and of course for their career development. Missing them a lot!! Made farewell and ugh, hate farewell.. 6) I guess I hurt some people, which have pissed them lots! I am so sorry and I wish we could just be good as before. I am just someone very weak, prone to make mistakes and sometimes just blurted words out without considering your feelings. Deep in my heart, i never wanted to hurt anyone and I just want to treasure all the friendship that I have now, before and forever. Friends, you are just someone special and you know that.. 7) Eventually, I pray for all the kids in Orion's to get happiness and blessed by God each day. Not only in Orion's but all the kids in starvation, wars, poverty and ill. I pray all the places tested with earthquakes, bombings, floods and any natural disaster to get healed and stay with God until the end. Amen.. Dear readers, I guess enough for tonight. I will be back soon. You know you love me xx

Cuts like a knife

I am deeply hurt (still) and served me right for that! Marrion, blame it on yourself! Knock your head on some hard stone now!! Ahh, better yet, just hide under the shawl and pretend like nothing happened . . . Swear to God, I was feelingless initially, I mean nothing should have existed at all, silly pilly!! I am so like gonna beat up someone, so just please don't go against me for few days and please please please, just bear with me for a while! Oh, I just have to be home quickly! I misssssss home *sob-

Good evening, people . . . Just arrived from the office and it's been such a hectic day for me. For the first time within this fasting month, I stayed up late in the office and wow, it was the only ME left alone there! Luckily I realized that the lamps outside were suddenly shut and rushed myself to check what's happening. And there were my colleagues, 2 of them shocked seeing me inside. I laughed at that moment because it was kind of funny for me, I mean how if I was really left behind alone and eventually locked inside?! (naah, was just a glimpse of imagination) Then they were like, "You should have let us know you're still here", both of them said it worryingly. (yeay, and I suddenly felt protected yet cared) And before I even managed to open my mouth to explain things, they were smart enough to have realized that, "Damn, she's stuck somewhere in the middle of works!" (yea, pretty much sounded like that, I think) The cold has turned down, well actually, quite unsure if it's fever or cold, but felt much better when I was fully pre-occupied with things. Nothing much could I say though, been listening to some songs, sad, deep meaning one and the list goes on, and I think the lyrics somehow very much similar with my situation, at least for what I am facing with now. *Scratch head, sometimes when I exchanged mp3 files with people, I reckoned that it is one way to communicate to each other, when 2 people don't talk due to WHATEVER-reasons. I don't want a happy ending, seriously, but I want something MUTUAL. When I asked people something like; "Would you go for someone who cares lots for you OR you would go someone who you care the most", I've got a number of opinions. Initially, I would consider to be with someone who cares for me because that person showed the right thing in building or commencing a relationship! Then after hearing lots of thoughts, I just could not resist that actually, I am looking for something MUTUAL, not only came from one side but BOTH parties. The seesaw won't be in such a good rhythm if it's imbalance. Ugh, please, I gotta stop stating nonsense. *Scratch head, (betullah tanak diti so sleepy, ROFL) So, I may conclude that, I myself don't know what I am looking for, but I need something MUTUAL, which I don't think I'll be able to find one, haaa haaa haaa, bulu mata cya jatuh, Yes mom, sisters, bros, I miss y'all too, nephews, ina'. . . Needless to mention actually, but I just got my baby, DSLR. Should have named it, something with "RR" too, it will be sounded, sexy "rrrr", LOL. Still learning and somehow still got problems when it comes to the speed shutter! The worst thing will be when there's something that is really important to snap, suddenly the shutter goes slow and slow, which will actually affect the quality of the photos and I don't bring my tripod together everytime, ugh. . . SUHAKAM conference was something though. Gladly to have attended it. There's just so many things to be discussed actually, so manyyyy! So I've been yawning like thousand times, guess it's a time for a bye-bye then. . . I wish you'll have a sweet dream tonight, (and I am indirectly thinking of something so sweet to recall), and I know you'll be reading this. For whoever you are, you know you heart me and I just am thinking of what could possibly went wrong. . . Love God, Love you, till then X O X O

I kind of lost interest on writing recently. Asked myself why and it wasn't because of I am not inspired, but it's just because of something else. It's really kind of pathetic because I was once an active blogger, euw, not so active but I'll be posting entries twice in a month! Enough pitying myself, I've undergone some situations recently and some of them were very good moments (I wasn't left behind alone and really appreciate with the presence), some turned out very shockingly moments (yea, I dare to say this, people misunderstood me, which was very extremely has saddened me up until now) and I am liking my situation recently :D That's a good starter for me, though I would say some things still are bothering me.. So I've been enjoying myself recently.. Went for a visit to Muzium Negara, hit the theme park and I've been dealing with some serious things too, he he, it's too early to mention, but I dare to say, no pain no gain! Took a risk and bear the pain for a while, hi hi.. It was my nephew's birthday on 27th of July and I forgot to wish him, just conveyed the message via my sister and he was so smart, he actually had prepare a "presents-to-buy" list for me! Like school bag, jersey and shoes! Ha ha, and mind you, he tagged a brand on each of the items, now I am going to be a broke aunt soon. But anything for him, for my nephews, I actually don't mind spending cash on them, well it applies to my family, because they seriously deserve things from me, they've helped me without minding themselves before and it's a payback time.. Been thinking of the future recently. Some friends really had make me think, think of the future (well please, it's not something regarding marriage okay, like duh) it's more on something about how would you manage your life, your financial etc.. I am 24, what would I be after 6 years? How stable would my financial be? A friend has been asking about life and money recently, MONEY is not everything, but everything is MONEY nowadays. Well, MONEY is the root of evil, but would you go back deep into the jungle, wearing nothing (well okay, at least cover yourself with leaves), hunting animals etc and back to the stone age? Well, I bet there'll be some giving a nod and I would really respect them to run from their problems rather than seek for a solution. Enough say, I really have learned something recently.. I am still deeply saddened by some things.. July has awakened me, I mean, yeah I am 24, but some other things happened too, ha ha, just never expected it would turn out to be like that. A Cancerian is seriously someone who's hard to be fathom and ... Well, I gotta sleep now, at least I was inspired enough to write tonight. You know you love me, xoxo

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS to my beloved brother, Freddy and his lovely wife, Elsie, which people said really look alike me :D It's been a while. Uhm, second thing of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Juliet aka Iyon aka Marrion :D for stepping to another one year, THANKS TO BE GOD!!! (Well actually strikethrough that Juliet, don't know who started calling me that :p) Third thing of all, I am missing everyone back at home pretty bad, very BAD actually, gah, plus Jessica and Mark are on their way home now :(( Let's talk about the wedding first! Sniff-sniff LOVE in the air!! Ah, finally, eventually, my bro's married!! Married y'all, SELAMAT TINGGAL BUJANG, hopefully SELAMAT TINGGAL ALCOHOL too, GOD seriously he's been drinking and drinking and he's actually losing all that macho-ness and handsome-ness he used to have before!! His tummy is like 8-months preggy and owhh, I am missing him the way he used to be!! People, those who know him reading, do cover him in your prayer :D So I went back to Sabah for good, took a week leave (which I regretted in the end because the duration is just so insufficient)!! My sister and bro-in-law fetched me at Terminal 2, AHH, good to be home again! Of course as expected earlier, my sister questioned my hair, well whatever, I know she's complimenting but in a sarcastic way, you don't know my sister, get to know her and that's it, dead end with stories ha ha. So we went to Karamunsing and 1B! Ahh, Sabahans totally proud of it :D Actually I didn't really care about those shopping and all, all I cared about was just to be home in PIASAU!! That's it, rumah putih, zink biru, yang ada mami, tina', Indus, Stib, Grace, Elsie. And of course my heroes, my 3 beloved nephews, Anwar, Ikhmal and Hairel. Oh not to forget, Rinna, Regina, just those people in PIASAU!! So actually we reached home at late evening, dub dab dub dab, WOWWWWWWWWW, I can see they were preparing the gongs, so many people at home helping out for everything they could!! I love these people, the unity, the knot is very well kept and OMG, I gotta thank God for everything because without these people my bro's wedding would not be as happening as it had been. So, I hugged everyone, I just didn't care whoever they are, I just can only cry and laugh in the same time, the feeling was REAL GREAT, then I saw there, that someone standing inside the house, the face that I've been longing for less in 3 months, MY MOM, JUST MOMMY, OMG, I just can't help it, entered the house and just hugging, felt like the time stopped for seconds and to be within her arms is the best thing ever! Then the heroes and just everyone! OMG if you just can feel what I feel!! OK enough said, or else I'll sob again! Hey i gotta go, see ya, will be back right after!! XOXOX To be continued :D

Really aware that I shouldn't be doing it now, but I just want to say that I am so stucked in the middle of nowhere. I hope things will get better soon, I mean very soon, and we'll get to know who the real Mastermind is. Oh Lord, may it be some others that have never cross to my mind.

I was having such a great time last Saturday and I'm going to miss it forverer. Guess I screwed up again. I miss someone! Oh shitty, I never have felt something like this before.

P/S: He's just NOT that into you, sad but true :D

So I should not be doing this actually, since it's only 10 in the morning. But I just want to say something that I feel like want to share with you..

Okay, I was about to delete this blog the other day once I found out that ONE should not have a blog, especially when you are a government servant. Well, I know that will refers only to those who actually creating a blog in a way having those politics issues, discrimination, racism, and of course not involving the PERSONAL one, I mean, like this blog, like my Wilmar's Blog! So put it in a second thought and I said to myself; "Hey, I am not writing some sentiments here, it's just about me, myself and my thoughts about the small-small things that attract my attention!". And that's it, today officially, at this very moment, in this very place, my office, I'll be starting my blogging thingy again. Sorry for the long pause of posting any entries before, you see I was so deeply in the process of thinking whether to just drop it off or actually to continue it. As for the conclusion, I am back, I am so back and to those who asked; "Where were you", "Why you went missing", etc, thanks for your very much concerns and HERE I AM now :D

I'll be posting some entries soon, and surely I've a lot of stories to share!!

XOXO

Just received a call from my sister telling that she's on her way to Hospital to visit my "Ina", my grandmother who's currently ill, suddenly fell down outside the house. Still don't get what was realy happening but this scares me because she's so stubborn, working very hard in her age and she always complain about her health condition. But then, she's very stubborn and reluctantly take our advises. My God, I hope nothing so bad happens. I'm starting to chill...

Now I am listening to Leona Lewis "I will be".. But of course my thoughts are back at home. Tried to call mom but no answer. I bet everyone is worrying there now!! I only met Ina last recently and this thing happens. Is it the right time to be sad again?? I am so confused, been crying frequently recently.. I hate the part that I am being so childish and dependent.. My sister is coming tonight and hopefully can see her very soon..

I don't want to tell any of my stories back at home recently, as they would only hurt my feelings.. Sob, believe it or not, I'm dropping some tears again!! What a pathetic I am!!

Gotta go :((

I am kind of not feeling well, actually been thinking of homiey few days back and I hope I still can tolerate this feeling until 7th of March. Yeay, mark your calendar everyone, Marrion is going back home on that day until the 9th. Yea yea, I know it's just a 3D2N period, but who the hell cares??!! So long I manage to get home and be at home, that's what I am concern about. Can't wait to hug everyone at home, to congratulate my brother for his coming engagement (well he'll be having one on this 28th and I will not be there), cuddle up with my nephews, meeting my friends, makan MI SUP, having joyride around town and the list goes on...

Now I am quite inspired to write.. So during the Kursus, I have to say that I actually really love the part when I can build networking around the colleagues. A savvy networking would actually help you to develop an effective communication among your workmates and hence you won't be feeling you're alone along your career pathway. The first 3-days was more into developing TEAMWORK and we were actually shuffle here and there to form one team. Those who met new pals, will make new friends, those who actually have to stick within the same group, have to bear the existing members :D So basically, I've been into several groups with different leaders. But yes, it's a normal thing when you have some dissatisfaction within your team. Overall, I am happy with all the teams I've involved with. Especially to do with the "Fox Web", it's AWESOME, eventhough actually we were the 2nd last group to end the journey. Being blindfolded and came to happen at night, it's rather challenging yet enjoyable!! Plus, with the egg thingy that we actually had to ensure safely not broken by those "FOXES" :D Oh boy, would miss that part!! Luckily mine was safely in my pocket and 3 out of 9 eggs were manage to be taken care of!

Came to its end (the Teambuilding session), we stepped into lecturing session, more on giving exposure about JKR, its stakeholders etc. There were about 14 lectures I guess and I would say sometimes I could take a nap during the session. Oppssiee.. But the talks were worth it, plus the notes given, it actually really will help during the PTK examination later! God, I heard it's kind of hard and there will be an Induction Course which is VERY IMPORTANT in order for us to get confirmed to our post now! Whattaaa.. So basically, we are under probation! Having 6 times of meals daily, was something could be good to some and could be bad to some. As for me, I feel like it's kind of a loss, since I don't really eat a lot and I actually skipped few meals a day. Depends on the food as well, but the breakfast is "Waalllaaa", tip-top and the desserts are fantastic! Well thanks to the Palm Garden Hotel anyway :D

We also had this Learning Journal, where we had to deliver sort of a speech, Public Speaking, to enhance your skills in giving effective verbal communication followed by a Q&A seesion and an evaluation given by your appointed evaluator. I must say I got an interesting topic, which is about "The Future of Hydropower In Malaysia" and I believed I've done my best minus the shortage of time upon it. Well, this is actually always happen to me, even during my school time, for debate or public speaking, the proposed time is always insufficient :D However I am unsure whether people actually understood about my topic but from what the reaction and feedbacks I got, all of them are positive and I hope it's for REAL :D Then we actually have this Monitorku Sayang, ha ha ha, can't help laughing!!! It's actually more or less like the "Guardian Angel" we always organized at church. So, I got a name and that person was actually near to me everyday (lagi tue!) Imagine everytime I wanted to write a text for him, he's actually just in front of me, grrr!! Ha ha towards the end of the day, he actually easily trace me out and yea lah, I just made a grin which I was actually unsatisfy he knew it was me!! The person got my name was rather easily found out as well :D :D Funny though initially I thought it was another colleague, which was actually sitting one row with us! Then when I made another anticipation, it was SO TRUE and ha ha ha, I still can't help laughing. He was commenting on my shirts' colour, my blazer, my presentation, my shoes, my towel, ha ha, does he really have to comment such things?? As for me, I just state basic things, not even commenting but just plainly giving more confidence on him that he can do the presentation (sudah la topic kami pun sama!!) ha ha ha, just can't help laughing!!!

So now I am waiting for my sister to mail me dad's Death Certificate :( It's one of the IMPORTANT documents that I did not bring and needed by the HR person for I don't know what purpose. Good thing I heard is that we'll be getting our very 1st earning on the 28th of February 2009!! Ngehehe, can't wait to see how much we'll be getting :D :D Let the $$ do the shopping later yaa..

Guess I've to stop now, I kind of missing something which I believe that person is.......

Marrion's signin' out XOXO